Toxic Positivity: Pros and Cons

(I’m kidding — there are no pros to toxic positivity.)

Let’s get this out of the way: toxic positivity is not the same as gratitude. Gratitude is grounded. It’s rooted in reality. It looks at the full picture, acknowledges the mess, the pain, the loss, and still says, “And here’s what’s good, here’s what I can be thankful for.” Gratitude holds space for the truth, the whole truth.

Toxic positivity, on the other hand, slaps a “good vibes only” bumper sticker over a gaping

wound. It’s a spiritual air freshener. It’s that friend who says, “It’s all good,” that makes you throw up in your mouth a little bit. It’s pretending that “thinking positive” alone will manifest a yacht, fix your marriage, and heal your childhood trauma. It’s skipping the actual work emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually, and it usually leaves people feeling unseen, dismissed, defeated, and a whole lot worse and more hopeless in the end.

Religion and spiritual centers can be misused if we use them for a spiritual bypass, as in all light, no shadow. It sure feels good at first, we can feel high even, then the pain pulls until we change and grow. The difference between the ypass and actual surrender is huge. True surrender is not giving up; it’s letting go of the fight with reality while still showing up for your life. It’s saying, “Okay, this is where we are, and I accept it, and I’m open to guidance.” You’re not denying pain. You’re not wallpapering over grief with a Pinterest quote. You’re acknowledging it and trusting that something larger is at play, and you are only seeing a small part of the tapestry.

And every day you are rewriting your brain from always going to the worst-case scenario.

What fires together wires together, so it’s a lot to untangle. What we are up against is

our negativity bias, that ancient survival brain wiring that has us scanning for what’s wrong.

Since the dawn of humans, our brains have been on tiger patrol, not sunrise appreciation duty.

The negativity bias kept us alive when life was dominated by predators and scarce food. It

probably even kept you alive in childhood or through some trauma. But in 2025? It’s not

much help when your “tiger” is more often than not, in your mind, or it's something like a

breakup or getting fired. It can feel like the end of the world, but it’s not.

We all have that little committee in our heads that lies to us and makes everything feel

overwhelming and an uphill battle. It’s not just you; it’s negativity bias. And if you want to

stop letting the committee be the loudest, you’ve got to train your brain like it’s a stubborn

rescue dog.

This isn’t magic. It’s repetition and mindfulness, and if you want to, you can layer in some

metaphysical muscle like stop thinking about the problem, live in the solution. Think about

the universe or spirit instead, study some manifestation principles, begin a meditation

practice, and even thank a few angels every morning if that’s your thing.

So how do we do the work?

1. Catch it, check it, change it

Notice when your head serves up dark thoughts like “I’ll never get this right. I’m broken. I’m not good enough.” Stop and ask, “Is that even true?” (Spoiler: no.) Then swap it for something accurate, like, “I’m still learning, and that’s fine. I am enough. This might feel like the end of the world, but it’s not…”

2. Reframe it

When life hands you something ugly, look at it from another angle. Failure? Maybe. But

we’ve failed before and survived, so we got this. Or maybe it’s just a first draft, an opportunity, a clearing out, a way to help others, a chance for deeper healing, an opening for magic, and ultimately transcendence.

3. Gratitude that’s real, not performative

Write down 5 things you’re grateful for every day. Doesn’t have to be deep — “coffee was

hot” works. It shifts your brain chemistry over time. It trains the mind like a gym. Old-school

AA swore by it, and now we’ve got research showing it literally helps rewire for less

depression.

4. Savor the good

When something nice happens, don’t blow past it. Slow down. Notice the light, the sound, the

feeling. Savor the mundane. Lock it in. Stay in the moment. It’s all we have. The rest? Illusion.

5. Change the channel

If you’re on a mental loop of everything-is-wrong, validate your pain, then interrupt the

distortions. Do something small you can complete. Wash the dishes. Send the email. Water

the plants. Meditate. Say a little prayer. Make art. Watch Netflix. Small wins add up.

Progress, not perfection

The trick is not perfection — it’s consistency. At first, it feels fake. That’s just your brain

being dramatic because it’s addicted to old patterns. It’s going to say, “This is bullshit, you’re

being fake, don’t fall for it.” Tell it, “I know you’re scared, and that’s okay. But you’re not

driving. I am.” Keep going. The rewiring happens.

And if the hopelessness won’t budge? Get backup. Call someone. Hit a meeting. Go to yoga.

Get in your body. Visit a church, meditation center, or prayer line. We don’t get a toaster for

doing this alone.

The Bottom Line

You’re not trying to “think positive” in some new age way — you’re retraining your brain to

see what’s real, what’s here, not just what’s wrong.

I adore this lyric from Twenty One Pilots:, Remember the moment? You know exactly where

this is going. Cause the next moment, before you know it, time is slowing and it’s frozen still…

Fight it! Take the pain, ignite it! Tie a noose around your mind, loose enough to breathe fine, and tie it to a tree and tell it, “You belong to me! This ain’t a noose, this is a leash, and I have news for you, you must obey me!”

This is our evolution time. Time to step out of the bondage of self. Yes, negativity bias and

hypervigilance kept us alive. But now? They’re in the way. And whether you want to keep it

science-based or wander down the metaphysical rabbit hole from neuroplasticity to angels-

on-speed-dial, the point is the same: You get to train your mind to serve you, not sabotage

you.